What friends talk about

Not much changes.

When I was small, I’d play with anyone. We’d share Lego or crayons and be perfectly happy just sitting on the floor making something. We’d talk about imaginary stuff or play characters or put on dress-up clothes. If a kid didn’t share properly, it would usually end in someone or everyone crying. Eventually, kids went off to school or moved to other neighborhoods, and we’d just play with someone new. New people had different toys to share and that was cool.

We’re no longer friends. Too immature.

When I grew up, I made friends at work. We’d go out after work and talk about work. Gossip about bosses and affairs and client misbehavior. We’d talk about benefits and 401(k)s and where we’d rather be working. When we eventually left the company, we’d get together now and then for a drink only to discover that once we no longer had our bosses and colleagues to talk about, things got awkward. So we’d just hang out with our new colleagues instead, until we’d run into the old friends in the break room after they got hired by the new company we were now thinking of leaving.

For a few years, I made friends through my kid. Jack’s friends’ parents became our friends. We’d talk about schools and school sports and pediatricians and the crazy stuff our kids were into, like Pokémon or Lego, Warhammer or video games. Then we moved on to college applications and summer programs and interest rates. Eventually, the kids moved out of the house, and once we were left with nothing to talk about but ourselves, we discovered we had little in common and moved on.

Most of the people I hang out with these days don’t work anymore. They’re not unemployed — just old. We talk about medications and knees and teeth. Or Social Security and interest rates and dogs. Or grandchildren, which I don’t have. Looking at pictures of strange cats or infants on other people’s phones when you can’t reciprocate soon gets old.

Some people have friends because they like the same sportsball team. They get together to talk about coaches and strategies the way we used to talk about bosses and clients. Or they collect stamps or knit or hunt the same animals, and they can discuss equipment and supplies like we used to talk about strollers and orthodontia.

Drawing is harder to talk about at length. Once you’ve shared your favorite pen or sketchbook brand, there’s not a lot of places to go. You can’t really talk at length about drawing strategies or workshops or gossip about Van Gogh. So we just sit quietly in a line and fill our pages.

Your pal,

Danny

Did I mention my new book is out? And that people are buying multiple copies for their friends? It is, and they are, and so can you.